Never Fails
Reflective Reading: Ephesians 5:22-33
Most men can identify with the difficulty of maintaining balance in their responsibilities to protect, connect, communicate, and love. I find it interesting that there is more said in the Bible about a man loving than protecting. Men who overreact when it comes to protection may really be protecting themselves. Husbands who are jealous because of insecurity and selfishness will become overprotective, overbearing, and have a distrusting attitude toward their wives. Insecure men will try to dominate their children. Their felt need to control, which is the result of insecurity and selfishness, is overcompensated for by thoughtless authoritative demands.
I know there is an innate awareness and “calling” to protect my wife and children. No one had to teach me this. But if I love myself more than my wife or children, my motives lead to actions that are controlling, accusatory, and demanding. When a man’s control is greater than his influence, you can be sure that he loves himself more than others. Furthermore, a self-loving, controlling man has no positive influence.
We don’t follow our Lord Jesus because of His control but because of His sacrificial love. That’s why He washed the disciples’ feet just before He was crucified—He was demonstrating true leadership, which involves servanthood and sacrifice, not authority and control.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it . . . In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church . . . (Ephesians 5:25, 28-29).
To love our wives as we love ourselves is to continuously nourish and cherish them as we do our own bodies. What does this look like? The Greek meaning for nourish caries the idea of raising children and providing for them. The idea of nourishing our children is to provide food so that they can be just that—filled with nourishment. How much effort and sacrifice do we spend on nourishing our wives as we do our own bodies? Think about it. Men generally take very good care of themselves. They have their sports, their hobbies—you name it, and most men have whatever they need to make themselves happy. This is exactly how God wants men to be toward their wives.
The Greek word for cherish carries the idea of keeping warm. This idea extends to providing clothing and shelter. Men who genuinely care for the needs of their wives first will find (most of the time) that they reciprocate with respect and honor. But woe unto the man who does these things because he expects reciprocation! For that man is simply loving himself, and in the end, he will find himself a lonely man. It’s easy to see through the facade. Having the right motive, which is the opposite of self-love, is critical in a relationship, and the spouse’s deep understanding of that motive is acute, whether it is spoken of or not.
But let’s face it; to love like this without any reciprocal love is emotionally draining. We were created to love and be loved. We are designed to be desired and to desire. And it is not good for a man to be alone (or a woman). Sadly, many are alone, and some prefer to be alone. Withdrawing into a state of aloneness—an aloneness where we feel safe and free from stressful relationships—is also a state of selfishness.
To love requires risk. Love requires sacrifice. Love requires forgiveness. And though we may be familiar with the Apostle Paul’s well-known treatise on love, it is a good reminder. Maybe we should place it on our refrigerator door?
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (I Corinthians 13:1-8a).
So what do we do from here? Love. If your spouse doesn’t respond, then—love. It’s the one thing in this world that is guaranteed—Love never fails!
Written by Mark Hamby
(Really written by Deborah Hamby :))
Recommended Reading:
Hungering and Thirsting book and audio drama (Ages 6+)
My Golden Ship (Ages 9+)
A Peep Behind the Scenes book and audio drama (Ages 9+)
Making of a Hero (Ages 12+)
Words Fitly Spoken (Ages 12+)
