Choose Your Friends Wisely: Simple Choice
There is no doubt that friendship is one of the most powerful relationships in the world. That is why Solomon places our choice of friends as the second most important wisdom lesson in Proverbs. Why second? The first lesson is about children listening to the correction of their fathers and not neglecting the teaching of their mothers (Proverbs 1:8, 9). A child’s relationship with their parents should always be primary. Conflict between child and parent is what influences children to befriend less-than-desirable friends. These negative influences are exacerbated when there is conflict between mom and dad.
As Solomon lays out in his wisdom lessons, good parental relations are the foundation for good and healthy friendships. We are not able to choose our parents, but we can choose our friends, and that is the danger of which Solomon warns. In Proverbs 1:10-19, Solomon describes the kind of friends we are to avoid. First, there is a command: My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not. These enticing influencers are characterized by four main traits:
They take advantage of weaker people
They are greedy; nothing is ever enough
They feel stronger in groups; can’t stand alone
They are simple-minded; unable to see the danger ahead
The Apostle Paul in I Corinthians 15 writes: Bad company corrupts good morals. So many of our children have gone to schools and colleges that are permeated with “bad company,” only to graduate with a weaker view of God and no understanding of what it means to fear Him—which is the beginning of knowledge! Think about it. If the fear of God is the beginning of all knowledge, then wouldn’t we want our children to study all that is possible about God before they spend time learning anything else?
In the early days of American education, a child’s schooling was rooted in the Word of God. The old McGuffey readers taught the alphabet in relation to Scripture; vocabulary was taught in relation to obeying mom, dad, and God. Everything was relative to cultivating morals, manners, and righteousness. They understood that the education of a child would shape the culture of the future.
I believe that is why Paul writes immediately after his warning about bad company corrupting good morals: Awake to righteousness, and sin not; for some have not the knowledge of God: I speak to your shame. There it is…the knowledge of God, the knowledge of God, the knowledge of God! When the Word of God is at the center of both education and relationships, it becomes the primary influencer among our children and their friendships—there’s nothing more powerful!
Whenever the Word of God is no longer an influence in the public sphere, there is a quick unraveling of morals and civilization. In 1 Samuel 3:1, the prophet writes: And the child Samuel ministered unto the LORD before Eli. And the word of the LORD was precious in those days; there was no open vision (KJV). A better and more literal translation reads: And the lad Samuel was serving the Lord before Eli. Now the word of the Lord was withheld in those days; prophetic vision had not broken through. During this time in Israel’s history, a time when the Word of God was no longer an exercise of public discourse, the moral climate was at an all-time low, as we see demonstrated in the despicable character of the sons of Eli.
More evidence demonstrating the disintegration of morals when the Word of God is no longer influential in society is found in 2 Peter. Peter writes: And [God] delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked: For that righteous man dwelling among them, in the things he saw and heard, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds. Lot did not do the things of Sodom; he just saw and heard them—and his soul was vexed. The negative influence upon Lot’s soul was more than we realize in English. The word vex means to be torn apart, to be tortured, and terrorized. Again, we are reminded that bad company corrupts good morals.
A good friend never vexes our soul. A good friend may challenge us but never tries to tear us down for their own self-interest. The Scriptures teach that as iron sharpens iron, so a good friend sharpens the countenance of his friend (Proverbs 27:17). The idea of sharpening is important. Literally, Solomon is saying that a good friend sharpens the face of his friend. How? Joseph Benson writes: “A friend who sharpens his friends is one who quickens his ingenuity, enlivens his affections, strengthens his judgment, excites him to virtuous and useful actions, and makes him, in all respects, a better person.”
In Hebrew the word friend carries the idea of a close companion, neighbor, brother, husband, and one who loves another with all their heart. This is best understood by the Scripture in 2 Samuel 1:26. Jonathan, David’s closest friend, has just been killed, and David penned the words: “Thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.” In a very pure sense, Jonathan and David were perhaps the closest friends in all of the Bible.
My friend and co-laborer Colin Smith once shared that the word friend is also the same Hebrew word for shepherd—one who cares and provides for his flock. Upon further study, the word friend is also the word for desire and pleasure—a desire to be with your friend, enjoy them, protect, and care for them. The good shepherd is one who provides and protects the flock because he takes desire and pleasure in them.
Good friendship is not always a positive experience. Just as a good friend can sharpen your countenance, Solomon in Proverbs 27:6 writes: Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Just as a good shepherd will intentionally injure a sheep who continually wanders away from the fold, a good friend will speak the truth even when it hurts. These are the type of relationships we should encourage our children to seek!
The practice of friendship must first take place inside our homes if our children are to be prepared for friendship outside of it.
This topic is so important we have decided to do a seven-week study on friendship with my good friend and biblical theologian Colin Smith. I believe you will find his insights remarkable, to say the least, as he writes the next few weeks of blog posts. To expound even further, join Molly, Colin, and me as we collaborate on this unique discussion of what it takes to be a godly friend in a self-focused world. You can join us at Fastened Like Nails.
Here are the books and audio dramas on friendship that I highly recommend:
Ages 2-6 Trusty Tried and True; Trusty Meets Bully Blare; Illustrated The Silver Cup;
Ages 6-11 Teddy’s Button; Runaway Darling; Little Sir Galahad;
Ages 9-14 Stick to the Raft; Charlie’s Choice audio drama; My Golden Ship audio drama;
Ages 12 and up: True to the Last; Ishmael and Self-Raised
