I Quit
“You heard me! I quit!”
These were the words I said to the senior pastor at 10 am on that life-changing Friday morning. Yes, I even remember the day and time more than 35 years later. There I was, a young Christian and the Minister of Christian Education at a small Baptist church. I worked my heart out trying to prove myself. In addition to this role in the church, I was principal of the Christian school, basketball coach, volleyball coach, bus driver, and door-locker-upper after all events.
There we were, a young family in ministry, and I was just 27 years old with three children under the age of four. Did I mention I was building our first home? Also, our church had a building project going on at the same time—an extension for our growing Christian school.
I was expected to be at all work days, which included Saturdays, prayer meeting on Wednesdays, both services on Sundays, and all school events, including deacon meetings, school board meetings, teacher meetings, and parent meetings. I wasn’t even burning the candle at both ends, for there was no candle left to burn. A novice in ministry, a young married man, a young parent, and no real mentoring other than a weekly Friday meeting to go over all my shortcomings, infractions, and errors. Friday morning was a time of exposure so I could learn what I could do better. Now please—understand that I am writing from my skewed perspective at that time. And at that time, I had had enough! I determined that after five years of what I considered to be abuse, I walked into the senior pastor’s office and told him that I was quitting!
What I heard next was not what I expected to hear.
“No you’re not. Sit down!”
Wait, what? He’s not supposed to say that. I reiterated. “I quit!” Again, he told me that wasn’t an option and to sit down.
I strengthened my resolve and told him that it wasn’t an option for me to stay, that I was tired of him treating me like a dog, and I quit. I don’t know why I stood there that long. I should have just walked out of his office and driven off. Looking back, I think God was testing my resolve. He was getting me to answer the silent question—how do I handle difficult situations and difficult people? Once again, my senior pastor told me to sit down, and then he said something I will never forget: “If you quit now, you will quit the rest of your life.”
So, Marcus (that is what I call myself when I do something stupid or have to make a tough decision), what are you going to do? Serve God and persevere or cut bait and run?
I sat down. I didn’t like the senior pastor, and I didn’t enjoy working there. I was worn out and rationalized that this wasn’t good for my marriage or my family or my health. But I stayed, and here’s the reason why. Soon after that meeting I read in the book of Numbers, and what I read had such an impact that even today I live in light of this truth:
And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman. And they said, “Hath the LORD indeed spoken only by Moses? hath he not spoken also by us?” And the LORD heard it. (Now the man Moses was very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.) And the LORD spake suddenly unto Moses, and unto Aaron, and unto Miriam, “Come out ye three unto the tabernacle of the congregation.” And they three came out. And the LORD came down in the pillar of the cloud, and stood in the door of the tabernacle, and called Aaron and Miriam: and they both came forth. And he said, “Hear now my words: If there be a prophet among you, I the LORD will make myself known unto him in a vision, and will speak unto him in a dream. My servant Moses is not so, who is faithful in all mine house. With him will I speak mouth to mouth, even apparently, and not in dark speeches; and the similitude of the LORD shall he behold: wherefore then were ye not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?” And the anger of the LORD was kindled against them; and he departed. And the cloud departed from off the tabernacle; and, behold, Miriam became leprous, white as snow: and Aaron looked upon Miriam, and, behold, she was leprous. And Aaron said unto Moses, “Alas, my lord, I beseech thee, lay not the sin upon us, wherein we have done foolishly, and wherein we have sinned. Let her not be as one dead, of whom the flesh is half consumed when he cometh out of his mother's womb.” And Moses cried unto the LORD, saying, “Heal her now, O God, I beseech thee” (Numbers 12:2-13).
I was moved by the Holy Spirit with the greatest conviction, and my life has not been the same since. As soon as I read this passage, I realized that like Miriam and Aaron, I had been talking behind my pastor’s back and blaming him for all my problems. Often when we find ourselves in a tough position, we can begin to judge others harshly, forgetting that God has placed them in our lives for a reason.
Friends, the lesson I learned that day became a turning point in my life. I would not be in ministry today if I had not had a pastor who was willing to say the hard things to me. And even though he could have dealt with me with more grace and mercy, God knew what I needed and when I needed it. So often we want grace before we heed conviction. Conviction of my sin is what was needed. I had to first realize that I was doing exactly what Aaron and Miriam had done. I confessed to my pastor that I had a bitter spirit toward him and slandered him behind his back, and I determined that from that time forward, I was going to be his biggest advocate! And I was. I began to pray for him, encourage him, and defend him, and praise God, I even started to love him! It was through him that God reached my stubborn heart and began to transform it.
For the next five years I saw God bless my life abundantly and open the door to start Lamplighter Ministries. If I had not surrendered and understood that God was “scheduling” each person he had placed in my life, I would not have started Lamplighter or enjoyed the amazing rewards of serving the Lord these 35+ years.
As you enter this new week, I encourage you to consider if God has placed a difficult person or situation in your life that is causing you to blame and become bitter? If your answer is yes, His Word says to “wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” (Psalm 27:14). Don’t fret; don’t blame; don’t be bitter, and don’t be impatient. As Peter writes in 1 Peter 5:6: humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and in due time He will lift you up.
