Wise and Discerning Friends - Pt 4
By Professor Colin Smith
Reflective Reading: I Samuel 24-26
Friendship can be potentially dangerous if we do not approach it with discernment. As parents, it is our job to warn our children about the dangers of becoming friends with the wrong type of people. We must address two areas with our kids when they are learning how to pick friends.
First, we must teach our children wisdom to discern a quality person from a foolish person. Second, we must teach our children to avoid friendships with people of bad character.
Sometimes, it may look tempting to make friends with someone of questionable character because you feel bad for them or think you can help them. However, Paul writes that bad company corrupts good morals (1 Corinthians 15:33). Children must learn to avoid these kinds of friends.
We must also teach our children that treacherous people are incapable of being friends with honorable people. While honest people can act kindly towards people of low moral integrity, treacherous people are incapable of reciprocating and making a true friendship. Honorable people should not be loyal to perverse people because wicked people will inevitably ask upright people to do immoral things that corrupt their morals and integrity. People of low character are always asking for loyalty but never giving it. However, honorable people do not ask for devotion but rather earn it.
To illustrate this point, let’s examine a story in the life of David. In 1 Samuel, David behaves in an honorable way towards Saul. David had many admirable qualities and tirelessly worked to help Saul. However, Saul still resented David and wanted to kill him. In 1 Samuel 24, Saul was hunting David in the wilderness of En Gedi. When Saul entered alone into a cave, David was hiding. David had the perfect opportunity to kill Saul, but he chose not to. Saul acknowledges in 1 Samuel 24:17-19 that his motives towards David are evil, and David's motives towards him are pure. This realization about the purity of David's friendship does not prevent Saul from trying again to hunt down and kill David in 1 Samuel 26. Once again we see that David has an opportunity to kill Saul, but for the second time, he chooses not to.
You see, David was capable of great friendship because his heart was not to preserve his own life but to do what he thought was right before the LORD. David says in 1 Samuel 26: The LORD forbid that I should stretch out my hand against the LORD's anointed. Saul, seeking to protect his kingship, admits his sin and says in 1 Samuel 26:21, I have sinned, return my son David for I will harm you no more because my life was precious in your eyes this day. Indeed I have played the fool and erred exceedingly. David, a wise man, knew he could not return with Saul because he knew you could not trust a fool.
One of the most critical choices your child will make in life is their friends. Sooner or later, you can not make that decision for them. That is why we must teach our children wisdom and discernment before it is too late.
Recommended Reading on Developing Wisdom and Discernment:
The Wanderer (9-14)
Idols of the Heart (12-99)
Pride and His Prisoners (Ages 12-99)
